Oh, Lord Charles O'Ferry—The Grinch Who Stole St. Patrick’s Day! Ah be sure, leave it to chancer Lord O’Ferry to try and suck the craic right out of the biggest day of the year for the village! The same fella who’s quit twice, in his desperate bid to play at being police commissioner, now sets his sights on our beloved St. Patrick’s Day parade—because if there’s anything he’s good at, it’s quitting and complaining in equal measure!

Lord, lad, you must be allergic to joy. This parade brings in a rake-load of business, pulls the whole community together, and keeps the local spirit alive. But no, you'd rather be a whingey wanker, bemoaning that the village is "broke" – yet that didn’t stop you, Lord Parks Commissionairre, from spending Village money on essentials like $7,000 for twinkly Christmas lights.

Ah yes, the financial genius at work—it’s no wonder your accounting career sank faster than your police commissioner jaunts. Don’t be such a plonker-we can see what you’re up to. You have tried (and failed!) to use this event as your own little campaign forum before—so don’t even think about it this year!

You might not have found a pot of gold in politics, Lord Charles, but I’ll tell you what you have found: the eternal title of Fun-Sucker-in-Chief! Go on now, Lord O’Ferry, do us all a favor and take a break from tearing down village traditions. Maybe try looking for your pot of gold before you try running the place, aye?