Let’s talk about Charlie Ferry, the two-time former Police Commissioner turned self-proclaimed accountant, who clearly couldn’t balance a checkbook if his life depended on it. Instead, he spends his nights with a glass perpetually in hand, channeling his inner keyboard warrior to take on imaginary foes on Facebook, amassing “friends” as if they were consolation prizes in a never-ending competition

Charlie’s social media escapades are legendary—deranged ramblings from a guy as unhinged as a rabid raccoon in a park trash can. He loves when his wild perceptions morph into his fantasy and, somehow, everyone else’s reality. It’s the kind of behavior that would get most people arrested for defamation, but not Charlie. Oh no, he hides under his “rights as a citizen” like it’s some kind of invisibility cloak.

Former Mayor Alexander even once asked him the million-dollar question: “Why are you harassing me at midnight when you’re married to the hottest woman in the Village?”

Makes you wonder—how well does he handle a bottle? What fuels his compulsive harassment? Does he derive some demented thrill from his domineering behavior? The guy’s got mysteries we’d rather not solve.